Notions Of My Emotions 

I’ve been so emotional lately. No I’m not pregnant (as far as I know) and no I’m not on my period nor is it expected for a bit. I only seem to have one emotion at the moment and that’s tears/sadness/maybe joy?? I dunno.

On the weekend I was happily sitting on the couch watching some comedic YouTubes when I suddenly started thinking about one of my pets passing. I had both Ollie and Vader sitting on my legs and I remember looking at them and thinking “God, I love these guys so much”. Then it went to “What am I going to do if something happens to them? I’ll be a wreck”. I then remembered that out of all my little animal babies Val would most likely be the first one out. He’s 10 at the moment and even though I most likely have anywhere from 5-8 years with him left I couldn’t help myself. What if I came home and found him dead? What do I do? Keep a dead cat in a room until a place is opened to take care of the situation? Do I get him cremated? Do I bury him in a pet cemetery?
I know this sounds a little disturbing but I have thought about losing him since I got him. It’s always been a worry of mine. But I found myself Googling prices for pet cremation, deciding between an urn, a box or just a rope bag. I found a place that actually comes to your house on short notice even if it’s in the middle of the night in a van and can take the body and do what needs to be done. Another actually has the only pet hearse and will come to you. I think I’ve decided on everything though. Well, most…
Wow, this so morbid I feel bad for even writing this. But I guess like any passing whether it be a human or a loved pet, one needs to be ready. I think in being a little prepared it may make things just a tad bit easier to digest when this event occurs.
Let’s talk about the second time I cried.

Monday night: Once again I was sitting on the couch. At that point in time I didn’t want Ollie sitting next to me cause that usually meant he’d work his way on top of me. I just wanted some free sitting time without a dog on me. He tried to jump up and I told him to go away. By the 4th time he got the hint and went on the recliner and laid there, facing me of course so he could look at me here and there. I continued to watch TV and at the corner of my eye was catching little glimpses of him with his head down looking quite saddened. I couldn’t stop looking at how depressed he was and it started killing me from the inside.

That Face

My eyes started welling up and I told Daniel I wasn’t sure if I could stick to my words. I was told to be strong but then the tears starting falling and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to get up from the couch and kneel in front of him, give him a hug and smother him in kisses. “I’m sorry Ollie. I’m so sorry. Please don’t take it personally. I just needed some space”. He seemed to forgive me although when I went back to my seat he just sat there giving me side eye.

When I finally told him to come over I think he thought I was joking cause he continued sitting there but his tail was going nuts. After the 3rd call he ran over so fast and leaned on me with his paw on my leg while trying to keep his tail from falling off. He was so damn happy it made me cry again…. God, I do love that guy.
So yeah, I think I have an issue.
Oh, I also cried last night cause I saw a video of a cute dog. Well, it had a sad story to begin it which then lead into a happy story with vids and pictures and I yeah… I cried again.

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